I have just finished posting my comments on a Facebook discussion, and, it seems that I am the sole person posting, as of yet, with this particular point of view. So, on my personal FB page, I began yet another discussion of this same topic, and was once again overwhelmed with the sentiments contrary to my own, although in this case, I did have a couple of allies in my corner. So you ask, what is this controversial issue that has nannies across the country posting with such a frenzy? The question is this: Do nannies take better care of others than they do of themselves?
HMMMMM! Interesting question. As I began reading the posts given, one after another, “Yes”, “Absolutely”, “Agreed”, I was disappointed, but not surprised by these comments. For as long as I can remember, I have heard similar comments by others in an array of professions dealing with care for others: nursing, teaching, childcare.
When I was a college senior, I remember my ECE instructor professing to our class late on a Friday afternoon, “I was called that my son was sick at school, but here I am teaching this class. Let that be a lesson to you all, of where a teacher’s priorities should be.” How sad I felt for this woman’s young son. This was just the beginning in a chain of messages that I would receive during my early adult years on the importance of putting work first, or in the case of caregivers, putting the needs of those we care for first, before those of ourselves, or disturbingly, those of one’s own family.
In one early teaching job, a similar message was conveyed during a terrible snowstorm in the Denver area. All of the schools were closed, most roads were impassable, and residents were requested to stay home except for emergency circumstances. But, amazing to the staff at the daycare center where I was employed, we were told that we would be docked our pay that day if we chose to stay home. Whether there was one child needing to come that day or our typical 200 children, the center would remain open, our parents were depending on that. So the center did not close that day, with only a few of the 200 children enrolled attending.
The message was loud and clear… those who care for others must put that responsibilty before their own care and safety, and sometimes before that of their own families. This is one of the greatest factors for the high level of burnout in these professions. I remember reading in a publication by the National Association for the Education of Young Children that very few young teachers in ECE make it a career. It is low paying and the time demands are great. And, most teachers are expected to make a commitment much greater than in a more traditional type of job where employees can leave it all behind at the end of the day.
As a nanny, the demands can be equally great. Nannies are often called upon to work long hours, required to show great flexibility to their employers, and sometimes sacrificing their own plans to cover for wearied and overworked parents. Working in such an isolated workplace can also add to the stress of the job, as can be dealing with the confidentiality aspect, not being able to share these stressful parts of her job with others.
So, you are likely wondering, after reading of my previous experiences, why I would disagree with the question posted above? Why would I still find this career rewarding after three decades? The answer to these questions is complex, but can be attributed to two things: my extraordinary parents, who showed that balance is possible in blending a career with family, and, my amazing employer families, who have been a part of my life for the past 35 years!
My parents were life-long teachers, my father a German teacher and my mother an elementary education teacher. They were incredibly devoted as educators, working long hours, often on evenings and week-ends, so they could offer the best education possible to their students. Their role as teachers meant not leaving their concern for these students at the door each day, but bringing some of that worry into their personal life. I have such pride in knowing that my parents impacted so many children in their journey towards adulthood.
This was seen especially at the time of my parents’ deaths, when my family received hundreds of cards from former students, many of whom had become teachers themselves, attributing this to my parents’ nurturing of the children they worked with and their enthusiasm toward learning. To say that this has influenced me is a total understatement; it is what has inspired me to work with children!
Equally importantly, my parents learned the art of balance. In spite of the great demands of being such dedicated educators, I never remember my parents being absent from any important event in my life. They were there when I had my first clarinet recital in 5th grade, they were there when I was injured on my bicycle, requiring emergency medical care. My parents were always available to their children for any needed “heart to heart” talk requiring a loving listening ear.
And, they surrounded themselves with caring friends, enjoying life to the fullest! Such wonderful memories I have of fishing with my dad, of singing while my mother accompanied me on the piano, and of our eventful family vacations across the country. It never was an “either/or” for my parents. We learned from their example that it is possible to give 100% to your job, while also making time for both those whom we love, and, those things which we love to do.
This has shaped me in the choices I have made as a nanny. I have never deliberately “chosen” a family because of a certain trait or characteristic, but somehow, I have found myself working for the most dear and caring families during my 35 year nanny career. Somehow, I have been drawn to families, very similar to myself, who also greatly value the balance between one’s devotion to their job and importance of their personal life, especially one’s relationship with their family. How this happens, I can’t explain, but it is the common denominator for all of my past employer families. Whether I have worked 60 hours a week as a live-in or a more 9-5 schedule, my employers all respected and encouraged my existence as a well rounded individual, seeing that this indeed made me a better nanny.
I have experienced so many wonderful gestures from my employer families over the years, there are too many to mention all. But, I do want to share just a few:
While in Connecticut, I found myself living in again, after many years of having my own apartment. This was good in that I had no housing cost, and difficult in that I really had no opportunity to entertain friends, one of my favorite pastimes. My employers knew that I did not want to babysit on the week-ends, as I was already working 60 hours a week, typical of nannies in that area. They needed a nanny one Friday evening a month and we discussed this. To my delight, we came up with a win-win. I could invite friends over for dinner on the evenings I worked as a trade off for giving up a much deserved night off. To make things even better, my charge’s preschool teacher was one of my best friends and was a frequent guest. Over the years, my home became a Friday night gathering place for both my church friends and neighborhood nannies. What wonderful memories we all have!
Several years ago, I began suffering extreme stomach pain while at work. While my employers are both physicians, one jumped in the car to come home while the other spoke with me by phone, keeping me calm while I waited for what seemed like an eternity. Being that I had a young charge at home with me, I could not call an ambulance, as I did not know what I would do with my little one. Soon, both my employer and her mother arrived, with the grandmother driving me to the hospital. She stayed with me until late in the evening and did not leave my side until I had been admitted and was comfortable in a warm bed in my hospital room. Later that week, my employers and charge came to see me and my little charge was reassured that I was going to be okay. By the week-end I was at home and recovering and planning to return to work the following week. Never once did my employers bring up any inconvenience this had caused them. They only were concerned for my health and well-being.
Following this situation, I had a close friend and fellow nanny ask me how my employers could give me time off during this event? She said that her employers would not be so willing. It never crossed my mind that an employer could ask an employee to remain at work while so terribly ill. But, there are employers less compassionate and caring than mine. I will always be thankful for the kindness my employers have shown me.
In closing, I want to share about a sad and difficult time for me and my family. My father had been hospitalized and was having tests. As I was a live-in nanny at the time, my mother intentionally called when she knew that I would not be home, to leave the bad news that my father had cancer. She did not feel that she could talk to me at the time, as she was much too emotional. In leaving this information with my charges’ father, he assured my mother, with his gentle manner, that they would tell me as soon as I arrived back home. When I did arrive later that evening, my charges’ mother sat with me and shared the very sad news. We cried together and she offered to stay up with me that night, to comfort me. The following day, she helped me in making travel arrangements so that I could join my family during this time, even driving me to the airport herself.
I have remembered and will always remember this loving gesture. My first employer and I still remain close today. We are even planning a time to meet for coffee soon, to share all of the updates on our busy lives. What a gift that I find in such relationships with each of my employer families!!
My experiences as a career nanny may be different than that of many other nannies. Perhaps I am the exception here. But, I hope that there are other nannies who will find employer families willing to allow them a healthy balance in their lives. I have found my role as a nanny to be filled with mostly wonderful memories, of giving generously to my employer families, providing nurturing and loving care to my charges, and showing loyalty to their parents. In return, I have been treated as a professional, with respect and highest regard. I have been encouraged to pursue interests and passions outside of my nanny job, and the opportunity to take care of myself and my own family. Most importantly, I have created relationships with dozens of young children, many now adults themselves, and with their parents, whom I have teamed with as these children have grown and thrived. What a wonderful ride I have enjoyed over the past 35 years!! And, what excitement I find in looking toward the future!!
jumpingnanny 